RAMBLE AND BABBLE 5

On October 15^th, I composed these lines for my birthday:

“At sixty six, run out of gimmick

Dream some multi-colored lipstick.”

Dream interpretations are always very exciting. The ancient Greeks have their Oracles; the Chinese have their Bakua. (Refer Yi Jing), whenever they face changing phase of lives or events. When, where, what, how to retire have been in my mind for a long time.

“Time to take off my working clothes

In nakedness, birthing freedom flows.

Wonder what to wear for graduate retirement;

Adorn with fancy dresses in old garment.”

Even before I take off my clothes, new garments are already planned for me. These new dresses are full of emotional colors. I thought  the interval between nakedness and nudity (wearing nothing) in the birthing process was “freedom”. The lived body (as against biological) was a social cultural construct, and how “free” one could be depended on many other factors. I was told how lucky I was, for others remained worse than nude. I need time to explore the meaning of “lipstick”. Perhaps it implies something sensuous, rather than sexuality. What is artistic pursuit without sensuality and ambiguities?  I am uncertain whether retirement means repeatively getting tired with new adornments or it will be better to take a leap and start afresh with something new after being tired by thirty odd years of work.The path not taken will open up other paths, as long as the legs are still working, and time is not always at the senior’s mercy.

Recently another classmate died of sarcoma. This year, three of our members have gone on “heavenly tour”. Our group of friends is dwindling, year by year. We should have juniors with us, but they would not be abled to share common stories or destinies with us. We would retell et infinitum with boring the other.

In my  Wuyisan, Xiamen trip, I wrote:

“A six-seater bamboo raft rowed down from upstream;

Gorgeous gorges, turns and twists, meandered in daydreams.

Calligraphy competed with misty rocky formation in bliss;

The hanging coffin reminded earthly souls what was missed.”

At this age, the physical and mental health have gone from upstream to downstream while meadering in the river of life, and experiencing the twists and turns of living. The hanging coffin is a constant reminder that the days are not for me to decide. Retire in a year or two before the regrets.

“The burnt candle exposes its cored wick;

The tired light allows some kick and pick.”

Taking up a Masters in English course was thought to be a search for “lipstick ”, but it was not English Literature or poetry as I have anticipated. It was a tiring journey with some laughter and sceneries along the way. Mt wife and daughter daughter are  calling for my early retirement so that the extended family can be together as a unit. The interpretation of dream begins with my angels in Singapore – they wear the lipsticks.